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Not rappers. Got it? Cool. Not for the first time in ages, I was thankful to God Almighty for everything He had blessed me with. My wife and I lived in a beautiful house in Boston. We had successful careers. Our sons were in college. We were living the American Dream. Until one day on January 1, 2008, our world came crashing down around our ears. Chantal and I were coming from the movie theater in downtown Boston. We were strolling through Boston Common when suddenly two thugs came at us. Two men in ski masks. They brandished guns in our faces and demanded our possessions. I handed them my wallet. Chantal refused to hand them her stuff. She was too proud to kowtow to a man in a mask. Before my shocked eyes, the thug put a bullet in her skull. Then he shot me three times in the heart. When I came to, I was at Mass General Hospital. I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. They told me I was lucky to be alive. When I asked about my wife, they fell silent. Angrily, I demanded answers.. .. Christ, if they had put in any more silicone she’d fall over...”For a second I thought it was just me. Maybe I was just too dumb to figure it out. But I looked around the room and met incredulous stares from the other guys. Without question, all the men had been transported to the Twilight Zone. And the women to the Comedy Club.“ ... men are such pigs! ... I wouldn’t touch our mailman with a ten-foot pole ... that’s not a cock, it’s a mutation! ... who’d get a tattoo there? ... well, no wonder! She’s so coked up she couldn’t remember the lines with the script in her hands ... and clapped up to boot...”Thank heavens the abomination was as mercifully short as it was mercilessly bad. But all the women loved it. After a final rousing chorus of “Men are such pigs!” they trooped off together to the bathroom. The remaining six of us were left, simply staring at each other, with dicks and dignity wilting.The party resumed shortly thereafter. And the wait was worth it. The girls had all.
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