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“Please, don’t do this!” I begged. “Don’t go!”“I’m going, Matt.”“Heather, I don’t understand! I’m not sure what you’re telling me!” I cried. “Why? Why am I not in the picture anymore?”“Because I need to start over, rebuild myself from the beginning.”“Rebuild? You’re amazing just like you are!”“I have to do this, Matt. I wish I could say I don’t, but I’d be lying to you. And to myself ... I’ve built everything in my life with random pieces, a bit of this, a bit of that. But now I can see a better place, a better me ... I just need time to find the way there. I can’t keep going with who I was, not after seeing everything I’ve seen so differently this past month. I have to do this. And the only way it’ll work is if ... if I let you go. And if you let me go. It’s the only way, now. I’m not right anymore. I have to fix myself, now, or there won’t be anything left to fix later. The panic attacks, they just keep getting worse. I have to do something!”“But have you gone to a doctor? There has. " Of course I want your input," Carrie said quickly."Well, I mean, we've pretty much stayed away from any topic that might cause friction," I answered."Like politics and religion?" Carrie said with a laugh."Pretty much the big two," I replied."So you weren't sure if I was a devout Roe v. Wade disciple that believes you should have no say whatsoever in the decision," she said."Yep," I answered."Are you opposed to abortion?" she asked. "I mean, you mentioned that you and Kelly considered it with Kasey. But people's views change markedly over time." I would guess I am opposed to abortion as a means of birth control," I said after giving it some thought. "Honestly, after we decided to have the baby I have never really given it much thought. It was never a consideration with Mark. We didn't discuss the prospect. Like so many things it doesn't affect me so I've never really needed to form an opinion. Even with Kasey it was dismissed as an option pretty early on."I felt Carrie nodding on my.
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