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My condition did not show to others. To my wife, family and co-workers I seemed normal. Sometimes I wondered if they knew about my condition. If they had, why did they not tell me? Like most illnesses you do not notice any symptoms at first. One day I read an article online and suddenly you realized you have a disorder. For years I suspected, but did not admit the fact to me. I did not think my condition was serious, but I wanted to keep it a secret. My secret was, I was bisexual. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. How can sucking cock or eating pussy be illness? Bisexuality itself has not been considered a mental disorder or dysfunction. What I had was a disorder or dysfunction was related to a little fetish that I developed. My fetish was dressing in woman clothes when I met men for sex. For the last five years, I believed I was just a normal cross-dresser. Now the online article was about the psychology of cross-dressing. The article stated anyone who. Now, I don’t want you to think I’m slut. I really hate that word, ‘slut’, it’s what my father used to call me when he beat me, usually if I came home five minutes late. I’m not a slut, but it wasn’t like it would matter if I was going to kill myself and the guy seemed really lonely and he was being really nice, so, I mercy fucked him. Funny thing is, he acted like he didn’t want it. I asked him if it was because I wasn’t attractive enough, and he said to me ‘No, it isn’t that at all. I just don’t want you to think I’m using you.’ No wonder he hasn’t had it in a while, he’s a fucking boy scout. At first we just took a shower together. He rubbed my shoulders and massaged my back, insisting that he hand-wash me. It was kind of boring having his hands fumble all over me like that, but the massage was nice. Then I washed him. Just as I was finishing, I knelt down to suck on his cock and he stopped me. I was surprised. All he said was ‘Not yet.’ I was thinking, ‘For Christ’s sake, he won’t.
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