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In one guise, Sheila has become a Fan of ‘Will Schumann – author’, in another, Sheila wants to be my ‘Friend’. Sheila wants to be my friend. A line of text and a few pixels passing for a photograph. It’s hard to tell it’s her, I kid myself. It’s obviously her: even at this poor resolution, I can see her rosy lips, the tantalising arch of her brow, the blur, perhaps, of freckles bursting out instead of a tan. She’s still beautiful, then. Of course. Damn. I move the cursor over to the picture and circle her face, the arrow tip brushing her lips, tracing a raised eyebrow, the curve of her jaw. Some kind of caress? At the thought, I catch my breath again and close my eyes, images rushing my mind in a flurry: snapshots of companionship, openness, the endless tease of anticipation, and then the rapture of sudden release – before the cold smack of shock, numbness, guilt and rejection. And then flight. My flight. I remember her mouth, _feel_ her mouth, crushing into mine, breaking that last. " Fine," he said, giving me that patented parental stare that seemed to defy you to be anything but perfectly well. "But we're making an appointment for a complete physical as soon as we get home!"To this day I wonder at the calm with which my father helped me up, handed me my bag and headed, without another word towards a debris pile near the back of the recess. I followed, in the wake of his apparent calm, and when he stopped and sat cross-legged in front of the pile I mirrored his actions. I flopped the tool bag in the dust between us and opened it, then I sort of froze, waiting to see what my Dad did next.He reached down and put his hand on the shop brush he'd had me grab, and smiled over at me. I read my father's understanding of me in it then, or perhaps just of boys in general. And I smiled back. He knew I'd just resisted the urge to grab a hammer and start poking. He read the appreciation in my smile for his restraint. It is an undervalued commodity these days, the unity of.
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