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I pretended to ignore him, but he rose and took the emptyseat next to me. He hissed in my ear, "I tol' jah ta come 'eeer, pretty boy."He clamped his callused hand on my skinny forearm. "Wassa matter,dincha get it?" A flash of genius struck, and I responded, "Je ne parle pasl'Anglais." He looked at me with disgust and stalked off, not noticing the'Los Angeles Times' lying on my lap.That narrow escape brought me back to my immediate dilemma, thepainfully distended bladder full of pee, and my fear of going to the men'sroom in this dump. I hate public rest rooms, and have a difficult timepeeing if I even think that somebody might be watching me. Thealternative, waiting and trying pee in the swaying rear of a movingGreyhound while all of the passengers watched and waited, seemed evenmore daunting, so I took my carry-on bag of estrogen, female dainties,and amphetamines and skulked as invisibly as I could to the loo.The public bathroom was even worse than I imagined. Instead of urinals,it. But I thought it was just too kinky.“Tell me, Tony,” Sheila said as we chatted. “Exactly how is Wendy’s need for submission kinkier than your need for four wives?”“I don’t need four wives,” I sputtered. “They just kind of gathered around me.” I suddenly noted that she’d included Wendy as one of my wives. Had I thought that as well?“But picture yourself now with just one of them. Who would it be and where would the others be? How happy would you be?”Shit! It wasn’t possible for me to imagine life without even one of the four, Wendy included, without feeling a desperate sense of loss. Maybe I did need four wives.“I would be very unhappy,” I said.“You’d function, though?”“Yes. And I’d love the one I was with. There would be an empty space where the others had been. I don’t know if I could get over it.”“Think of Wendy’s need as that empty space. She functions in the real world, but there is an inner longing to let go—something that is always there, but which she controls except in those.
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