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Maybe I could show you around?”The offer was out of my mouth and typed on screen before my brain caught up with me.“Mmmmmm, I know exactly where I’d like to be shown around, you naughty girl.”Fuck, I’d seen his picture and he was cute looking but cybersex was one thing. Meeting up with a random stranger who could be a serial killer for all I knew was a slightly different matter. He’ll never make it, I reasoned. He won’t have time. He won’t realise Scotland isn’t a suburb of London.But a couple of months later, I had somehow agreed to meet him. He’d messaged me that he was staying in one of Edinburgh's innumerable hotels and it had a pub downstairs. I’d seen a picture of him, but I’d still insisted he met me outside. I was not going to trawl the bar like a hooker searching for him.And then my period started. Fuck! I messaged him, telling him I’d got my period but his reply was so nice, I felt I couldn’t cancel on him.“That’s ok. We can still meet for a drink. I have to head to. .ists totally disagreed and encouraged me to take a honestlook at my features, I had a small female skull, my forehead was flatand my eyes are positioned further forward on the face, the distancebetween my nose and lips is shorter than you find on a male and my lipswere turned out, I was told that these are all classical femalefeatures.Boy's faces change from soft contours and girl like features to malefaces during puberty this is caused by male testosterone.I was told the story of the Hijra community in India, intersex and maleboy testes are castrated before puberty so their bodies did not developtestosterone, the boys live their lives as women and there faces remainchild like and look like pretty young women. The message to me was that,I could not produce testosterone and my face would always have softrounded female contours.Over the months that followed my resolve to remain male was slowly worndown, I was becoming exhausted by the mental strain I was experiencing asense of.
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