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??I felt myterror return.??I was a child again, and that scared me.??What had Idone???Why had I given up being an adult???I would have no freedoms.???Iput up a hand to push some hair behind my shoulder, and when I saw it Iput it out in front of me and then reached out the mirror which Icouldn't touch from there.??My hand was so fragile, so pure, sovulnerable and that I began to cry and hyperventilate.??My cries soundedlike that of a small boy lost and separate from his parents.??I just feltmy still seemingly too large chest heaving when I heard Dr. Sandstrom'svoice, at normal speed in my dream, say "Say your new name.??Repeat itover and over again.??Say your new name.??Repeat it over and over again."I realized there was a tiny speaker over the one-way mirror and that'swhere he was probably watching.??I couldn't remember my name, and there was pain inside my head again.There was so much muddled in my head, and there was pressure on my skullagain.??I struggled through my names and who. While there were several streams from natural springs, I understood why it would be harder to install windmills in this area. The depth to the water table would be much deeper and you would have to drive through a lot of rock.On our way back Slim stopped on a plateau that overlooked the barn. It was still about a mile away but you could see the valley to the barn and beyond as well as a road that led to the plateau. Behind the plateau was a cliff face. I thought this would be an ideal place to build a home.Todd returned late Sunday night. He was drunk and stumbled into his house.“I keep tell’in him he’s gonna kill someone driv’in like that,” Slim said.At daylight Monday morning we were off to the windmill site. It was good to be on Blaze again and he seemed to enjoy getting away from the barn. We set up a makeshift pin for the horses and gave them some water and hay we’d brought out on Saturday.Driving the pipe was hot and strenuous work. Even in this lower section of the ranch we.
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