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" said Sarah, hopefully, thinking at speed."Ahaaaka! Ahanka nanan hahagi amumu eke!" declared the mask in a loud reedy voice and waving his arms and staff.She concentrated furiously, translating in her head as he spoke;"See all you! See how the Nature has revealed this white fertility spirit to us!" "Oh no..." she whispered to herself, not liking where this was going. He continued talk, and she continued to keenly listen;"See how the Nature has bestowed upon us this rarest of beings, we must show our love for the Nature by servicing the wounderous White Djinn with the man-compultions of our strongest hunters!"Sarah was both horrified and fascinated, on the one hand the pygmies clearly planned to engage in some kind of sex ritual with her, but on the other hand her scientific self knew she was witnessing the first contact between this ancient hunter/gatherer culture and a white person, something they had clearly never seen before, and she had already learned more about their religion. Somehow I felt that should be made 100% clear before I tell my story. Now that that’s been cleared up...My name’s Chance, and my life used to SUCK. I had few friends, no girl, and most importantly, I was a massive virgin. I would go through day after day of senior year, trying to pass my classes, dealing with all the other people at this school that hated me, and wonder why shit had to be the way it was. Luckily, my luck would change for the better one day.However, I should probably start earlier, to give you a more detailed backstory.First, I’ll start in my Calculus class, the last class of the day in my regular schedule. I was finishing half-working, half-guessing my way through my assignment on derivatives assignment. Seriously, what the fuck even IS a derivative? That assignment made no sense. I turned to my left to ask my two closest friends, Fred and Halo for help.“Do you guys have any idea how to do this shit?” I asked. Fred shrugged. “Dude, I’m just as lost as you are with.
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