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"You did fine Mindy," said Brad. "Thephoto shoot is over and we'll leave you alone for awhile to absorb whatjust happened." I had known that this was going to happen but I kept thinking they wouldrelent. I was shaking from the fright. I wasn't badly hurt. Other thana couple welts from the crops and whips I didn't have any permanentmarks. If I had trusted them I probably wouldn't have felt the panic.But I don't trust them. With trust I would have felt the freedom tosubmit and would have even enjoyed the exquisite pain that the crop hadproduced. Is that what they wanted me to learn? The next week I was still in demand but most of my customers who couldafford me had already had me once. There were more lap dances andprivate dances while I acted as an escort on only a couple nights. As Itrolled the crowd looking for new customer's I realized that I wasn'teven thinking of how I was now walking. I had grown so used to walkingwith a sway to my hips and a disconnected smoothness. You must think I’m terrible.’ He doesn’t say anything, though it’s his turn. They are still holding hands but he isn’t saying he doesn’t think she’s terrible. She stops waiting, and goes on. ‘I don’t know how it happened, and it frightened me. And about last fall …’ A deep breath. The night is full of such breaths. He pauses in mid-step, eyes open wide in the dark, and finally says something, finishing for her: ‘You don’t have to tell me. I know I should have controlled myself more.’ ‘No. It wasn’t you. Oh Lord no. Please believe me. I did try to avoid you. I’m sorry about that too. But it wasn’t your fault. There were other things going on. I really can’t talk about them.’ ‘That’s okay. You don’t need to excuse me. I’m sure I deserved it.’ ‘No! No, you don’t understand. Listen. Oh God!’ She finds herself looking desperately left and right, to the trees, the lights, the house, looking for the right words. They aren’t there, so she gives up and stares him directly in the face: .
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