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I’m very ticklish. I tried to pry his hands off of me. He laughed, and kept trying. I squirmed away from him, ending up on my back so that I could fend him off with my legs and feet. It was no use. He was much stronger than me. I laughed and squealed for him to stop. I grabbed his hands forcefully, and yanked them outward. That put us face to face. He pulled his hands from my grasp, and plunged his fingers into my hair, pulling me toward him and kissing me hard. Oh god, yes. I kissed him back. We sank back so that he was lying atop me on the cement roof of the mausoleum. He put one hand behind my head and one on my hip, and let me taste his tongue for the first time. I grinded against his body. The butterflies in my stomach were flapping madly. His lips were soft and his mouth was sweet. I sucked on his tongue. Our kissing lasted a long time before he pulled away, breathing hard. I don’t think that it was due solely to the physical exertion involved in making out. He looked into my. From the outside my life looked fine.The inside of my head was killing me. A month ago I had been straight, if not in practice then in thinking, with the occasional flash of desire for another boy. Six months ago I had been perfectly normal, a totally typical teenager, my fast paced life desired by others. I wanted Maxie more and more, and that scared me. He was completely beautiful, undeniably gorgeous, and wanting to look at him and touch him occupied most of my waking thoughts. My subconscious had other ideas. If I looked at the inside of my head I had to admit I was damaged, possibly beyond all repair. I had been raped, then refused to talk about it, tried to kill myself and then refused to talk about that. Now I either imagined Maxie's face on the man who had raped me, or I dreamed him dead. Dead and bleeding, beaten and bruised, and always beautiful. The inside of my mind scared me.Sunday night Maxie and I lay down on opposite sides of the wall to talk about our plan for.
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