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And before you hit me with the blonde jokes, I am serious.”I chuckled as we like to pick on each other since the whole family has a genetic humor gene. “Ok, I am listening.”“They gave us so much information so quickly it was hard to swallow,” she started.I almost choked on my drink as she said that. Of course she didn’t get why, but I thought her choice of words was funny given the moment.“What?” She asked.“Nothing, go ahead, sorry.”“Well, they were talking about intercourse and masturbation and anal sex and oral sex and sperm and eggs and periods and I just kind of got lost. So do all of things get you pregnant?”I took another long swig of my drink. To hear my daughter say anal sex and oral sex and such was still a shock, despite the fact I knew we were going to be talking about sex education. After a few seconds I looked her in the eye and starting explaining it slowly for her.“No. Only sex in the vagina can get you pregnant. Anal and oral sex won’t get you pregnant. And of course. The kids had started getting dressed as soon as they had been released by their captors, and one girl who was already dressed was sent running to the school nurse and to have the school office call 911.Meanwhile, Marlene and a couple of helpers were trying to stop the flow of blood from my gut. Fortunately, no artery of any size had been hit, but I was in pretty bad shape by the time the nurse got there. She used butterfly bandages and a compression wrap to try to staunch the blood flow. Fortunately for me, she did a very good job, and I was barely bleeding by the time the EMS (Emergency Medical Service) people got there. Four ambulances were dispatched, and four cop cars showed up very soon thereafter.The badly spanked girl and I were loaded into one ambulance and shipped to the ER (Emergency Room) right away. Marlene insisted on coming with me, and there was no way short of handcuffs to dissuade her. Mom was called at work, and she and Bob rushed to the hospital to meet me. My.
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