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Let them judge me, I had been judged before. The conversation with Lin, may well have been more painful than the one with Zoë. He told me that he would not deny this child if it was his, that he would leave his wife and take care of me. I told him no. I didn’t want to ruin his marriage, and that I would protect him. He could see my baby, and be an honorary uncle if that was his wish. I knew that he was not really ready to leave his wife and that this kind of news would be far more than she would allow. I knew that he wanted this way out, and yet I felt that he really wished he could do what he saw as the more honorable thing. I had to assure him that there was no honor in destroying his family. That Zoë and I would take care of things, that the child- who’s ever it was, my child, would have a good life. And so would he. I convinced him of what he already knew. He would tell no one and neither would I. Things would stay just as they were. Only everything would be different. He gave. “Well self abuse then, sure as fate you will go blind.” he added.“Father there is no link betwixt testicles and eyeballs save for the commonly used expression “Balls” I explained but his brain, always supposing he possessed one was too feeble to comprehend.“Well your mother has arranged for Lucida to stay for the weekend, you do remember Lucinda do you not?” he enquired.How could I forget, Lucinda a vicious tomboy who regularly beat me up when we played as children. A dominating self opinionated monster who reportedy enjoyed carnality with her female classmates to such excess that even the Cheltenham girs school was forced to expell her.“Oh yes, I remember Lucinda,” I agreed.“Excellent, “He agreed, “You do remember, well your mother sees her as an admirable match for you.” he said jovially.“And do I have any say in this?” I asked.“As long as it is a yes,” he laughed.Lucinda arrived not an hour later, even more self important and domineering than hitherto and in her trail a sweet.
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