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." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "They look like he loved her."I opened my eyes. I'd collapsed in bed after Rita left and just thought about what I'd painted until I was so exhausted from my own confusion that I fell asleep. I could see it. I knew what I'd done. I'd simply used Rita as a placeholder as I attempted to paint Allison again. And I hadn't done a particularly good job of it. My original painting had been free. The new one was deliberate and controlled—an inappropriate theme superimposed on an incompatible subject. None of what I'd captured in the earlier painting was present in the second. It was mechanical, not passionate. It showed flames, but it was cold. That fleeting grasp of something that was truly a breakthrough in my art now looked like an unhappy accident that I'd never reach again.It was late. The room was dark. But something had awakened me. At first, I thought it was just an aftershock of Rita's tearful departure, but something else was nagging at me.I heard. I wondered why it would be a problemthat I had gone in there."Are you going ditzy on me, girl?" she said."Ditzy?" I repeated, my overburdened mind trying to catch up with what shewas saying. She had called me a girl, she had used the name Rhiannon, andshe had thought it strange for me to be in the men's room. It seemed thatmy last transformation had pushed me over some boundary line. I was nowfemale."Get your head together, okay," she told me. "We're real busy tonight;and I had to send Garrett home, because he was a mess." I've become a girl," I thought. It was strange. The small andincremental changes I'd been experiencing had brought me across a boundaryline and now I was female. When one tabulated the changes that brought meover this boundary, they were not all that significant. The implicationsof this small shift were immense, however. I was now a member of theother gender. On forms, I would have to blacken circle number two toindicate that I was female. Dressing up.
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