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We were not supposed to be extroverts who are enjoying the attention, and the lessons would be tailored to minimize that. My mom wanted us to be humble, polite, considerate, and to accept with grace our humiliations.“You can be playful. I want you to smile and not look miserable. However, at the same time if you don’t feel a little shame or embarrassment then I haven’t done my job, and you aren’t getting the medicine or the lessons you receive,” Mom said.Pain - There was physical pain and mental pain, and we would experience both. Mom said we were to endure physical stimulation where we were not receiving pleasure, but we’re giving it to others. The pain would also be used to motivate us as a consequence. Mom said that harsh words and honesty could sometimes be as painful as a whip or a paddle’s kiss.“There are some people who enjoy hurting others. You are three of those people. You do it all the time by intention and sometimes just out of habit. I will inflict pain on you on a daily. There was a short letter and a framed photograph - no - a small painting of - Robert. A young Robert. Who had painted that? He was nude, half turned away, his beard trimmed quite short, showing the line of his jaw. Greece? The background was sunlight shining through some kind of arcade. Deliberately classical. An athlete. Those muscles - God! Did he still look like that? Probably. I felt quite weak with another surge of lust. The frame was exquisite too. I looked closely. Gold and tortoiseshell. Probably quite old. Poor tortoise. I looked at the letter.My dear Sarah,I expect by now you know how hard a road I have set your feet on. The picture is a favourite and shows you what there might be at the end of that road. I hope it pleases you as much as it has me! It's an amazing picture isn't it? Benjamin or Tony will tell you about it. Tony always said he would do murder for it, but you have best claim. It always slept by my bed - where Robert couldn't see it. If my hopes fail and you.
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