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I hear the stories the others tell and I am aware of the differencebetween boys and girls. I've kissed a few girls and enjoyed it, and was excitedwhen allowed to touch one girl's breast through her clothing, but I don't layawake at night fantasizing about them and masturbating like the other guys arealways bragging about.I once managed to get my hands on a men's magazine, not one of the tame ones,but one of those that show everything up close and personal, and used it asmasturbation fodder a few times. I can't say that I didn't enjoy it, but thepleasure of my orgasms just weren't worth the effort or the risk of my momfinding the magazine. Without the magazine masturbation was hopeless, as I couldnever maintain any sort of fantasy that kept my attention. I would try to lookthrough our school's yearbook for inspiration but even the cheerleader pagecouldn't keep my attention for long. Sooner or later I would find myself readingthe bio for last year's `Most Likely to Succeed' and. I quickly finished what was left of the timeline, printed it out, and fixed a bowl of tomato soup, two grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, corn chips, and a Diet Coke. For dessert, I had a rare, for me, scotch and soda before going to bed, and letting my subconscious mind work on everything including what the timeline was telling me.As I slept, my mind churned away. When I woke the next morning, it was with the realization that I had one issue resolved, and one issue I needed to resolve before I could do anything else.The issue that had been resolved while I slept was the question of which reality option I was in. The answer was: it didn’t matter. I was in this here and now; whether it was real, a dream, or insanity. Unless and until something changed, and I got transported back to my own time or woke up from my dream or my psychotic episode broke, this was my reality. I’d have to deal with the here and now as I perceived it.The critical unresolved issue was the confusing and highly.
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