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I saw a small can ofshaving cream in a drawer... Yes. Carefully, I shaved my face, thencarrying this into the shower I ran warm water and sat on the bench toshave my legs. I sometimes shaved them as I ride bicycles, so there wasonly stubble. I did under my arms and then stopped and let the water runover me as it hit me - I am getting ready for a date. With a man, andone that I had gone down on already. So what was I? I still felt mostlythe same, except for my wanting to please David. My lover. My man.I started to towel off, then changed to patting myself dry. Why do womendo that? Do they really do that or is it just in stories? Taking one ofthe small bottles of lotion from the drawer I applied it to everywhere Ihad shaved. I looked in the mirror, and I really did not look anydifferent.Going into the bedroom I pulled out the lingerie in Julia's luggage. Theset was really lovely, having dark blue satin over the back half and mixof transparent panels and cream colored lace. I felt trapped and scared and just flipped out. I was yelling at him and crying and in the end I just walked out.’ ‘Why would Spencer touching you freak you out so much?’ I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I knew I could tell Jilly. She was a psychologist. She would understand. Plus, talking about it is supposed to help. ‘When I was eighteen I was at a party with my one and only boyfriend. About halfway through the night, after he got drunk, he dragged me into one of the bedrooms and started kissing me. I pushed him away and told him I didn’t want to do anything there. I mean we were at a stranger’s house. Anyway he got angry and pushed me onto the bed,’ I said. I had to pause because the memories were too strong. I hadn’t gone into any details with Spencer and I never planned to, unless he asked. ‘He told me he was sick of waiting and he was going to get what he wanted. He ripped my shirt open and pulled my bra down enough so he could grope my breasts while he shoved his tongue.
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