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I realized more and morethat, beneath the chic fashionableness--in some circles--of queer posturingand philosophically hollow gender nonconformity, all of the internalrealities of lifelong cross-dressers like myself still surge and spilland shoot like hot lava, as do the philosophically comprehensive andreasonable principles of androgyny; which principles concern themselveswith the nature of personal and collective holism--ethical, in a sense, aswell as aesthetic.One afternoon, I awake from a dream I remember as being vivid but do not,perhaps ironically, remember a single detail of, to discover a note in myhandwriting on the coffee table that I didn't (still don't) rememberwriting:"What good gods probe this globe of woes for the sincere wishes of thechildren? Are there any deities--anywhere--who care enough to hear andgrant the prayer requests of the innocent? I know of none. Let us wasteaway in unwise longing no longer."Beneath this was another note, the start of a story I planned. Now that they are living together, he might be thinking about getting serious. Shawn acts as if he does not care when she flirts or wears revealing clothes around all the guys, but I see what Aaron must not see. If he is still ‘in it for the sex’ as Aaron claims, he is a good actor. I have tried to talk to Shawn about Kristie and he always tells me that she is just his ‘chick of the moment,’ I think he is just keeping up appearances. “Hey, kid,” I said as I gave Shawn a hug and glanced at Kristie, “Kristie.” Shawn hugged me back and kissed my cheek, ever the flirt. Kristie waved and looked uncomfortable. For some reason she has never warmed to me, but knowing Shawn’s record; she might not be around much longer. Kristie is his type in almost every way. She has that petite little body, but still looks like she takes pride in her physical appearance. Her legs are toned, but she is a young and on her feet all day. With her long brown hair and cute little face, I can see what Shawn sees.
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