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To be a real person with a life again. To be what used to be me. I wonder about a life that can never be now. A life that, that by contrast, is so different than what I have now. I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I. It's like you never leave. Do you ever go home?" Yes, I actually do go home. I stop to eat somewhere before I go home. Then all I do is wash up and go to sleep. Pretty boring." I can drive if you want," Jasmine asked when we arrived near where our cars were parked."I'm the one who asked, you. It would be rude if I allowed you to drive." And a gentleman, too," she smiled sweetly as she said it.I opened her door for her, then went around and got behind the wheel."Who says chivalry is dead," Jasmine remarked as we hit the street and headed for Yao's. "I mean, my last boyfriend never did that for me. What a jerk. Even though men and women were created equal, I still think it's a nice touch when a guy holds the door for a woman." I think so, too. It's not that I'm living in the past or long for the old days. I just think it's nice to be polite. Besides, it all comes back to you eventually. You know, what goes around comes around, or something like that."Jasmine threw back her lovely head.
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