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After a purge Chayne is just not satisfied with brushing her teeth, she had to floss, rinse and even shower. There she sits at her desk preparing to roll a blunt. Her life is just like Groundhog’s Day. Wake up, get high, fuck, wake up, get high, fuck and round and around we go. The last two weeks have been unbearable. She has been struggling with suicide ideation and is being tormented by the very thing that is keeping her alive. She feels dead inside and notices that when she really needs a friend there is no one in sight. But why must others be responsible for her happiness? She surely can’t make it alone that is why she is always reaching out her hand for something. For a while the lifestyle provided the momentary pleasure she thought she needed but she found out later on that getting stuck in the life was like laying down in a warm bed. It was easy to get into but hard to get out of. Halfway into her blunt her cellphone starts to ring. It is one of her regular clients. He is back. It could accompany love, or stand by itself. He had learned that much. He would have to, at least, be friends with her. At least, he could like her. He admired her matter-of-fact casting off of hypocrisy. She disdained the coquette’s pretense. She wanted sex, she gave and took it as it pleased her. What was wrong with that? ‘I’ve finally done it,’ he congratulated and wondered at himself. He had sex for the first time, indulged in the pleasures of the flesh and felt no remorse. Both parties had been willing, pleasure was had by all. By all that he had ever been taught or believed, he should feel guilty. He was not so removed from his priestly vows to feel nothing. Try as he might, he could not feel guilt, or accept the presence of a stain on his soul. If he had done it while still under Holy Orders, or gained access to her body through deception or other evil trick, it would have been different. But he hadn’t, and his logic allowed no room for false contrition. Perhaps, he pondered,.
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