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Mom and I were real close, because we spent so much time together, but it was not the same. She was my MOM and I needed a DAD. I was now 16 and not a very popular guy at school, thus spending much of my time alone. I was tall and rather effeminate. My hips and thighs were heavy and my torso on the small side. I was the studious sort, spent much time reading and studying, and my grades reflected this. Mom worked the night shift as a nurse’s aide at St. Mary’s Hospital, and sometimes worked extra the evening shift to make ends meet, thus I was left alone much of the time. When my longing for male companionship, overwhelmed me, I sat out on the balcony and watched men walking home from the bus stop. Wondering what it would be like to be one of their sons. Would I be waiting at home for them, to talk over the day's happenings, or would I just be off on my own, as I was now. What would it be like to be hugged by them, or lounge about watching TV with them? Imagining them in their. And that popularity meant little to him but a lot to his parents.At secondary school he would sit at the back with the troublemakers but get on with his work with an ability to tune out any disruptions. If he sometimes over did the careful presentation of an essay (rewriting it because of one crossing out for instance), if he was left to get on with it he stayed unstressed. Exams were hard, he hated to have to hand in work that was untidy, teachers learned to remove his work as he did the first draft so he would not simple return to it again and again and fail to complete all the tasks. Maths was fine though, except that the requirement to 'show your working' was often irrelevant – all his working was in his head and then the answer was written down. Ax2+Bx+C would be solved in his head with a look of intense concentration. The first time the teacher accused him of cheating and then looked at his face, the face was a bland look of incomprehension, not the blank look of pretend.
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