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Then he pulled out, stood up and pulled me up by my arm. The whole event seemed to last for hours, but I reckon it was over in about two minutes.He changed straight away, apologising for being a little rough (massive, massive understatement), he kissed me tenderly then asked me to keep quiet about what just happened.On our way back to the bikes we stopped off at the café and he bought me a cornetto and a Of mug of tea.I was very sore for a couple of days, and you can imagine the cycle ride home, 20 miles, wasn't terribly enjoyable, but it still ranked higher than being raped in the grand scheme of things.So there you have it, bye bye virginity, the one thing I wanted to willing give to someone was wrenched away by the very person I was going to give it to that night. Can you imagine how fucked up I was feeling that night.More than anything though I was feeling guilty, it seems weird now, but for a long time I felt it was my fault. My fault for not putting out sooner, my fault for. No, I avoid it. Not because I don’t like it, its my favorite, but it was intended for someone else, it may go to waste, but no matter. I can rarely bring myself to touch it, even when I dust and rearrange my room. Looking at the clock, I still have time to kill, so I log onto my email. Its full and empty at the same time. Notes from bill payment services, reminders of bills to come, wishful shopping advertisements with just a few messages I bother to open. Sighing, thinking this might be a waste too, being the third time today I looked at it. At the sound of the doorbell, I close the lid to my laptop, glance around the room to see everything picked up, before going to the mirror to check my makeup. Seemingly just right, I find myself rushing to the door wondering if you are early or if I hadn’t noticed the time go by. Funny how you can go from having all the time in the world to letting it all slip away. For some reason, I don’t open the door, instead something makes me use the.
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