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To get rid of it as soon as he could, he just pulled his computer plug out, and it flashed off the screen. He said nothing and just looked at me.I walked up to him and sat on his bed opposite him. He was still really red. I said “Are you gay?”. He snapped “NO!!”. I sat there for a moment thinking, then I said “Look, Kai, I don’t care if you are gay, a bender like me of all people – come on.” I was gay, he knew that, so after I said that he just smiled. After a moment he said “Well I don’t know. I like this and I want to try stuff with a guy, but I don’t want to think that I am gay because I remember everything you went through last year when you came out and I just can’t do that. You could, but I can’t I just couldn’t do it” I thought again for a moment and then said “You can. Look, I’m not trying to encourage you to be gay or anything that’s up to everyone to decide for themselves. But if you are then I don’t mind, mum and dad won’t mind and neither should anybody else. Just be. I happily hailed a taxi, and left.The taxi ride was roughly twenty minutes. That gave me time to pull myself together, and act fine. I knew my feelings were leading me to John, and I knew that I wanted what he had wanted for years. I didn't know exactly how the night would go, but I knew I was going to tell him I loved him. I know that sounds crazy, but I couldn't help it. I've never have been known to jump from relationship to relationship, let alone marriage to a relationship with someone new, but I needed him. I had ignored my heart for years, and now I saw what he was seeing, love. It felt so good, so safe, I was looking forward to the possibilities. The taxi pulled to the side of the road. I paid the fare, and hurried into the lobby of his apartment. The doorman directed me to the elevator, telling me John was expecting me. As I entered the elevator, I started to feel knots in my stomach. Here I was, twenty-two years old, and having butterflies like a sixteen year old going to.
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