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P.A. ready to accept a slightly lower rate in pay. I hung on and as the company grew so did my responsibilities and my earnings. Susan had fewer problems; she got started almost right away part-time with an insurance agency, and pretty soon found herself holding down a well-paying job with a reputable nationally recognized insurance company. Since then she’s grown with the company, and is currently assistant manager at their branch office in the larger city not far from where we now live.At the start money was tight, and Samantha’s arrival followed two years later by our son Gregg did add to the burden somewhat. We held on, sure there were fights and threats, but we managed. I loved her dearly, and I knew she loved me. Even after so many years’ things have remained a little tight financially, and there have been occasions when I thought the relationship was in jeopardy, but during this past year everything’s run smoothly.The last couple times I’d looked in the top drawer of Susan’s. That's how cops die or slide into a bottle. That's where I was until one of those chance intersections of lives pulled me out; one of those pitches life throws at you that you can decide to turn away from, or allow it to change you forever.A loss of that perspective, a loss of my ability to remember the magic in life and the accumulated weight of too many arrows and too much caring about them had led me to that hotel room in Seattle. I hadn't felt this bad in years and while I was in town to deliver a paper at a conference and had been well received, I didn't make much of a difference. I was at the point where I was counting days 'till retirement, a practice I'd always abhorred among public servants. That night I had showered, downed a vodka and tonic and was looking out the curtains of my room across the hotel's atrium. Years ago I would have looked out of that atrium and felt the hum of life: laughter, debate, pain, lust, love, joy and confusion, but in some kind of context that.
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