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By noon we headed back to shore for lunch and some drings. I decided to change into my bikini and put on a T-shirt and we headed back out. I wanted to get some sun so i let the guys fich, so I removed mt t-shist and in the sun in the bow of his boat on a towel. After a while I saw through my sunglasses that Rick had been staring at me with a big grin on his face. I wanted a bit of fun so I turned over and undid my bikini top and spead my legs a bit. Marc must have taken that as a cue so he took a small bucket of cold water and threw at me.It made me jump up and i turned around in surprise but Rick had the nicer surprise as my top stayed behing and was q foot away from him and my tits fully in his view. Nice he said, I blushed but didn't cover up. I dried myself a bit and said well since you saw them then you won't mind if I just stay that way so i don't get tan lines. We were very secluded and to his surprise I removed my bottom as well and lay back down. WOW he said I just smiled at. I hide myself from friends for days on end, fearing they will see what I see when I look in the mirror. I shun my family for giving me the memories that have formed me into the person that I have become. I wonder what happened to the woman that use to be vivacious. She is a rare visitor, or maybe I just imagined her. Maybe she only exists in my mind. Because the only person I see theses is world-weary and raw. I don’t care for her much. Even now as I write, I beg myself to stop, because if I don’t, I am forced to think of all I am loosing, all the precious time I have already lost. All the pain that I have kept safely harbored inside my heart. I can feel it swelling up inside me now wanting to push past the barriers I have built up, I can’t bare to feel the storms waves crashing over me. Every moment of my days, every breath I breathe is consumed of what I don’t possess. I don’t desire fancy cars, a huge bank account, the perfect home, but then I guess I am no different from the.
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