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“Fuck,” I whispered, “a loquacious monster! This is so not my day.”“I know we Kraken have a certain reputation. But monster is a tad pejorative, you know.”“A Kraken! How the hell does a Nordic sea myth end up in a billabong in the middle of the Australian outback?” I asked.“Long story. Want to tell me how you ended up in the middle of nowhere?”“Touché. Maybe that too is a story for another day.”“Well, first things first,” the Kraken said, a tentacle reaching for my hand, “You have nothing to fear from me.”The frisson of their slimy touch had goosebumps running up my arm, which gave me a shot of assurance. “That’s comforting. But this is so super weird.”“Not every day you run into a talking Kraken, I will admit. But best you put your fear aside,” the Kraken said.“Fear is the trail into the shadows. Fear leads to rage. Rage leads to loathing. Loathing leads to misery,” I replied, actually giggling for the first time that day.“By Odin, I spend a century alone, desperate for edifying. Her heart pumping madly, she is ready. As her fingertips tentatively graze the knife handle, the unpredictable foreigner shouts. ‘Ginsu Master Chef!’ Brenda recoils, as he seizes a wickedly curved cutlass from the attaché case. This new knife is twice as big as the one Brenda was about to grab. Now there is no escape. ‘Very fine knife. Master knife. Total control and ease of use.’ Brenda is almost in tears. Her escape ruined, she awaits her fate at the hands of the crazed Ginsu Knife salesman. Driven by fear and desire, she closes her eyes to her fate praying for deliverance, or an imaginary savior to rescue her. Eyes closed tightly, a captive in her own living room, Brenda listens to the hypnotic cadence of the man’s voice. His words blend together into rivers of sound as he lapses into a foreign dialect. His animation escalates into a gentle but disturbing agitation. ‘Ginsu master control. Aki kara koshimoto!’ The words are meaningless to Brenda, but the intent is clear. Every word.
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