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And if you, as a saddo reader can't agree with that then I pity and, dare I say it, despise you and it might be best if you stop reading right here. And some of you will be thinking, 'but Cummies, I'm not a wife, I'm a burly, hirsute, truck driver born on the wrong side of the tracks in one of those truly awful Medway towns in North Kent, (Garden of England my arse) are you saying that I am less important than you?' Well of course you're less important than me in so many different ways, sweetie, but really the questions you should be asking yourself are: Am I a wife? If not why not? And what do I do to join this most sacred of living states? Now for some individuals, there is a simple excuse that they just aren't old enough to be legally recognisable as wives, but for the rest of you, including hirsute truckers from the armpit of England, there really is no excuse because in this day and age anyone can be a wife. And even if you don't have a thing for meringue dresses and trains (not. ", but Jack, my boy," he would say, "the measure of a man isn't how far or fast he falls, but how well he bounces back." And he did have a point. Despite his many annoying qualities -- including a know-it-all look perpetually plastered on his face -- he did "bounce" well, from one wife to a prettier lady, from one good job to a better one.So it was on the late summer day when he began his tutoring of myself, a lesson that began in a most unlikely way.Uncle Mike stuck the cigarette back into his mouth, stood and grasped the baseball bat while I looked on with a little bit of concern."Always keep your eye on the ball. Nice level swing; make contact; follow through," he said, as he made a couple of slow, practice passes with the Louisville Slugger. I was more perplexed than ever. What was this about batting? I didn't understand. And then --WHOMP! I felt a sharp, powerful blow to my stomach. It pushed up my diaphragm and all the air belched out of my lungs. The "wind knocked out of me," I.
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