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Resentment, yes, but notfear. And--for what it's worth--I haven't had any dreams that I wouldthink indicated fear. Strange. Maybe my unconscious mind knows somethingI don't (it wouldn't be the first time); but I'm not betting on it. And what do I expect after death? I have no idea. Certainly notthe Christian eschata--death, judgement, heaven, & hell. (Well, death ofcourse, but not the rest.) I hope I shall meet & know that sweet goddesswhom I've worshipped over the last half of my life. Logically, one wouldexpect oblivion. Severe trauma can cause temporary oblivion; presumablydeath, the ultimate trauma, should also be oblivion. But that's hard toconceive, especially for someone as intensely alive & self-aware as I havebeen. If the long habit of living indisposeth us to dying, the long habitof self-awareness indisposeth us to oblivion. In any case, I shall findout, if one can find out, soon enough. Regrets? They say that no man ever lay on his deathbed wishing hehad. "I feel like I could stay here forever," Stacy confesses, interlocking her fingers with Becca's. "Me too," Becca giggles. She pauses and becomes serious as she looks into Stacy's eyes. "I love having you here with me." "Becca, you're everything I've always wanted," Stacy whimpers. Her heart hurts as she's lost in her girlfriend's gaze. "Why do you need her?" Becca hides her face in the pillow, ashamed. "It's not like that. I don't know. It's hard to explain and it's been so long, I'm not even sure anymore. I mean, it's not like I 'need' her," Becca explains. "Well, she sure seems to think you need her. She seems to truly believe that," Stacy argues. Becca retreats a little further. Stacy pulls her back into her arms. "Miss Cara, she…" Becca mumbles, hesitantly before Stacy jumps in. "She seems to want nothing but to control you. Becca, is she really helping you?" Becca sighs, deeply. Her whole body seems to sag with a burdening weight. Stacy's never quite seen Becca in this way.
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