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Twas the night before Christmas, and geez it was neat,The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook,It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude,Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we’d built,Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.Sure as I’m speaking, he was as high as a kite.And he yelled to his team, but it didn’t sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I’ll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don’t. " he said, clearly irritated at having to repeat himself as he searched the trunk for anything they could use to signal it. "I saw a ship over by the cliffs down the road. Might be a cargo ship but a ship's a ship, right?" I guess," she said, pawing at her arms, still shaken up by her rude awakening, but then she actually thought about his words. "Wait… where did you see that ship?" Down the road toward the cliffs…" he said nonchalantly, pointing. "Maybe a mile, mile and a half that way." A fucking mile from here?!" Jade said, starting to shake. "You left me all alone, and without a gun in that car, while you just went on a stroll through the fucking woods?"Spencer practically ignored her, handing her a road flare he found, and starting to walk toward the supposed ship."I'm not going anywhere," Jade said firmly, earning a tired and annoyed glance from her partner. "Freddie told us to stay right here, and that is what we need to do." I'm almost 10 years older than him, Jade…" Spencer.
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