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Between the effort in the gym and being a late bloomer, I started gaining some size. After college the girls started to notice me, but like I said, I prioritized my career above any relationships so the girls didn’t stay long. Anyway, despite my maturing physique, my face (which has been called handsome more than twice) always looked younger than my actual age; almost 5 years younger and cherubic. I’ve been called sweet more times than I care to recall. “I’m always sweet ” I thought. “What if I’m not sweet?! What if I’m just a caged animal that’s begging to be released?” I said aloud. Why did I say that? “You need to be true to yourself.” Was Sarina’s reply. “If you’re not you’ll drive yourself and others crazy. Others will appreciate your honesty.” Her frankness was refreshing. It sounded as if a Sage was lecturing me but he middle-eastern accent soothed the lecture and made it quite appealing. “Then I hope you appreciate this.” I told her as I pulled her petite frame towards mine. My heart was broken and I could not fight my body’s need to let go of some of the pain. “I am mad at ....” I could not even tell him why I was mad. He would try to make me feel better and I knew that no matter what he did, I would not feel better. In the end of it all, he was going to get married tomorrow and I was going to go back home to ... nothing. Just another day in the life of me, I suppose. “Mad at what,” he asked me, genuinely curious as to what I was mad at. “Come on Abby, what are you mad at.” “I am mad at me okay,” I said in a harsh tone, pulling away from him. I could feel the hurt expression on his face, even though I could not see it. “Are you happy now?” “Why would that make me happy, knowing that you are mad at yourself,” he asked confused. “Why are you so mad at yourself. You did nothing wrong. Well not that I know of.” I tired to ignore him. I did not want to tell him how I felt. I did not even want to be here, but I knew that if I had stayed home, one day I would.
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