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Maintaining it when I was awake was not a problem. It had the added advantage of blocking out all the extraneous noise I had been exposed to as my Telepathy had developed. Keeping it up when I was asleep was more difficult, and I’d failed miserably the first couple of times I’d tried. I’d decided, then, that that was as good a time as any to perform an experiment I’d been hesitant to try: Compelling myself. I’d still shied away from the most direct approach, but ultimately, ordering one’s mental starship crew to keep the shields raised until eight in the morning is just ordering one’s self. That’s what I’d imagined happening, and, to my delight, my shield had stayed up until exactly then.I got a little jolt when it dropped automatically at the predetermined time: an unexpected rush of mental noise. A small amendment to the order, though, and I was secure behind the best mental shield I could build. Best of all, the only cost seemed to be that I was eating more. I guess the energy. I timed her trips to the phone or restroom, and tried to keep track of the staff. What I had seen as flirtation, now seemed seduction. That casual touch could now be a caress. Her erect nipples might not be the result of the air conditioning. Her lean across the table to return a menu now might be an opportunity for her to reveal her breasts. The inadvertent contact with a server now perhaps was an occasion to confirm the fullness of her breasts, or to evaluate the length and hardness of an erection. And there were erections. She made an impression on quite a few, and I found myself contrasting their eager young hardness with my middle-aged spread.My sexual performance suffered. On a scenic overlook on a trail above the Illinois River, she knelt on a rustic bench, flipping up her skirt to reveal her naked rump, just as she had fifteen years earlier. This time, I couldn't produce an erection. I found myself thinking about her with others, and was unable to perform, to compete.During.
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