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For Amanda I wanted to go beyond that, and do all that I could. Trying to work out what was best for her made me hesitate. Perhaps I could give her the guidance she needed without taking her over completely, but I didn’t think that was possible. Dominance had a logic of its own, and the habit of obedience would soon assert itself.Moreover, she was drawn to such a relationship just as much as I was. Fighting against it would be a pointless waste of energy, and an obstacle to our joy. Fairness had to start from things as they really were. For us, I should balance my duty to keep her safe and happy, with my right to demand respect and adoration from her in return.I realised I was sitting there, looking out the window, trying to solve the problem of justice all by myself, heedless of the time. It made me laugh a little at my hubris, and the way love was changing me. Still, those thoughts would probably come handy when the inevitable questions came up with Amanda. She would demand. "Giddy" is the best word I could describe her. After two minutes of her trying to lick my tonsils, she released herself from our embrace and announced she needed a shower. I guess my brain was still trying to process the smell of sweat, her bed-head hair, her raccoon eyes from running mascara, the taste of tobacco in her kiss (she quit smoking when we got married), the smeared lipstick, and yes – the smell of sex. I looked over at Jim as she closed the bathroom door. "Wow, I cannot thank you enough. When she told me not only were you okay with us, but actually wanted her to, I just ... Wow, thank you. This is the best night of my life."Ever have one of those moments when time seems to stand still and yet speeds up simultaneously? Where your body seems to go numb but yet you feel like someone has just punched you in the gut. Where your balls feel like they just shrunk up into your body. This was that moment. For some reason, as all this was going on inside my head, I calmly asked him.
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