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I missed Joan and Jose on one level, but not in the grand scheme of my life. So Tuesday I was off for my morning trike race before I fully realized the shit I had set in motion the day before. I was becoming a real person again. Church Camp had made that possible. They hadn't said, now you are real, but they made it happen nonetheless.I was just as real as Jeremy and Alice. Now that was a scary thought. Maybe they were as unreal as me and just had a really good cover, I thought."What are you thinking," Alice asked over her eggs and grits platter."Just wondering do zombies know they are zombies?" I asked."Jesus what brought that on?" Jeremy commented."Hey, I was just askin," I replied.After my shower, I drove up to my studio. I got the fire going to kill the chill that was in the air. It wasn't so cold with all my thermal shit on, but I was going to take most of it off when I started to draw. While I waited I took a look outside and saw a stray dog trying to find a scrap of meat in a. .. liaison. But suddenly I didn't care. Ifelt suddenly liberated! Free. Because I was free! Because I'dfulfilled my obligation to her, but for another reason as well! An ideahad been nagging at me for the past few weeks, taking root and growing,and it suddenly presented itself to me in full bloom! I no longerneeded to worry about Cynthia's wounded feelings after my betrayal ofher with Sheila. Nor about the way she'd retaliated. Nor about theconsequences for the future of our marriage. Nor about getting togetheragain as husband and wife.She'd said it herself! She'd called me 'Girlfriend' and 'Girlie' aswell as her 'darling girlfriend'! And though my two months inpurgatory had ended she'd included me with 'other women' in herexpectations for me. And she expected me to see Ray again a month or sofrom now In her mind I was now what I appeared to be. What I'd become.She'd already defined our new relationship! I was a woman. Hergirlfriend. I'd live with her as such. My.
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