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All he was trying to do was judge whether or not killing another person was the right path to take. That’s not being flakey or being weak, he surmised. It was simply judging the fear of what would happen if he didn’t cooperate with a system that didn’t allow him to ascend beyond the number of his name. It was the fear, he figured, that was the main problem in his life—the fear to question, the fear to offend, the fear to tick someone else off, the fear to get involved in the lives of others, the fear to speak his mind or else suffer some fantastic punishment that the system certainly threatened him with but never acted on—just so long as he continued to pussy-foot around his problems and stay as quiet and innocuous as a mouse.Charlie had been ruled by the fear of those punishments, and fear can sometimes be good for a man, since it then forces him to overcome them. But for many, this fear is crippling enough to sentence a man to his own slavery. And Charlie walked on that fine line. .never. And even regularstuff, after Jake was born...that all tapered off..."Another pause."And she hardly ever dresses nice...I mean, she's not a slob or anything,but she hardly ever wears a dress, and forget about high heels. I don'tthink she even owns any."He was looking intently at her now."But you, Maddy...I mean, I've known you for years, but ever since youchanged--I mean, transitioned, sorry...but ever since then...you...lookgreat. I mean really great. You always wear dresses and high heels andmakeup and all. And you know what I like...in bed and...and everythingelse. Like this coffee...it's just the way I like it. And your house isalways perfect.He was on a roll now. Maddy knew he had to say what he had to say."And you smell good and I love kissing you, and... and you really likegiving me ...you know..." Blow jobs?" Right...I mean you do, right?" Yes." Not a lie. Mostly."And the other...you know..." Oh, yes, Bob, I do indeed know," she replied, almost laughing. "You're.
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