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Then we slept. I could not get sleep at all. Looking at my husband I was feeling guilty. Did I do the right thing? Should I confess to him? Then what will happen? He will be angry on me and also on Swamiji. He may tell police and the story will not stop from spreading. No what about the heavenly experience I enjoyed? Should I betray HH also? Is it right? Who knows, maybe this is the way God wanted to answer to my needs? I kept my palm on my belly. I felt God has sent his blessings through HH in to my womb and I would certainly bear a child. By now the seed might have already been sown. His precious chromosome might have been planted in my waiting egg. I felt good to think this way. After long time I went to deep sleep.Morning I woke up very late. My husband had already left to office. My mother in law had come to room several times to see why I was late. I woke up and after brushing I went to Pooja room. On seeing me my Mother in law asked me about why I was late and if I was sick . I. "I'll admitthat this is not what I figured I would hear from you, and I'm not surethat I understand it! All I do know for sure is that I love you, andwhile I don't understand any of what you told me, I'm just not ready tolet you go! Maybe, if you explained it to me..."There wasn't even a hint of deception on his face, only questions, soafter drying up a bit, I started at the beginning."When I was about 6 or so, I started dressing in Janet's clothes...." Icontinued until we reached the point where he asked me to marry him. Ilaid it all out as clearly as I could, including the fact that otherthan the panty, I was a total woman. "And yes, I can function as afemale right now, but it isn't real. It wouldn't be... me."I told him that I loved him, that I wanted him to love me back, and,pleaded with him not to hate me. Baring ones soul and deepest secretsis painful at best, especially if you risk hurting someone else. I justsat there, exhausted from the tension, and the explanation of.
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