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She directed me to a shady looking motel near the freeway. I found myself thinking how convienent it would be to just hop on the freeway after I’d finished chasing my paticuliar dragon. After being humilated at the BBW club and the Ms. Stetson debacle, I’d decided to go ‘underground’ with my fetish. It was the safest thing to do considering that I’d become such a pariah at work. So, I’d begun sating myself on the toasted street rumps of black and latina street walkers. not that I didn’t wanna squeeze one out on white girls, but usually they came in the Auswitch emaciated look, were just two damn gross or didn’t fuck with black guys on order of their ‘black’ pimp. I’d found some great asses out here on the street, but guilt was getting to me. I’d resolved to do the hooker thing one last time when I saw Roxy. This sure is wierd. What can I say … It’s my thing. Whut ? You scared of Aids or somethin ? … I’m clean. No, it’s not that … I just wanna do that one thing okay?!! Don’t get so. Sometimes it was like two strangers living in the same house. But it felt secure. We pretty much learned to live with each other’s faults. Damn, I wish I was a writer so I could tell you how it really feels to miss someone. I just don’t know the words. Ache, pain, misery, loneliness, that’s what I’ve been feeling since Sophie’s death. I don’t want to be here alone anymore. It’s terrible, no-one to even argue with. I go out during the day, always coming home to an empty, lonely, dark, too quiet place. I don’t even know my own thoughts anymore. How do you cry on paper? How do you explain emptiness? Sophie was right when she told me one time that I should die first, that I didn’t know how to take care of myself well enough to live alone and that I probably couldn’t handle it. I remember arguing with her that I took care of myself for over sixty years and I could continue to do so until the day I die. She just laughed and said, ‘George, I’m the one who has taken care of you for the last.
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