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But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so terrifying about being myself. I was petrified about letting the dominant part of me out. What if they thought I was sick. What if they laughed. Worst of all, what if I hurt somebody? Jesus. That would destroy me.But I was stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I couldn't go back to how I was, that way led nowhere, so I could only go forward, but I didn't know how to make a first step.I was contemplating that when Anna called. I hadn't realized it'd gotten so late. I hadn't eaten anything or moved from the table where Jenny sat down hours ago. Anna's suggestion of take out and movies. I quickly learned that all this fairy tale stuff about sex and guys was never going to happen and that guys just wanted to stick their cocks in some fresh pussy. So I decided to enjoy the sex and quit worrying about love and thinking that it was special. I grew to enjoy having sex with strangers, I enjoyed pleasing men. Having them hold me, feeling them thrust into me. Feeling them flood my insides with hot cum. Using them the same way they were using me. Even after I married I still enjoy once or twice a year having a one night stand with a stranger. At the time this story happened I was 47 years old with a husband and two k**s. I had been married almost twenty years. I have always kept myself in good shape. 5 foot 4 in height and 125 pounds, "C" cup boobs, blonde hair. I have always been complimented on my looks and would always get hit on when out with the girls. So on the day this started I was in the backyard sunning in my bikini. The 16 year old boy from next door was.
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