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“Can you read Spanish?”“Nope, but we can copy the pictures in the manual. We’ll need to get branches from a pine tree.”Alice ducked back into the passageway and emerged with our survival saw a few minutes later. We set off together to investigate the nearest stand of evergreens about a quarter mile to our left. The human body is a remarkable machine, but it’s a lousy snowplow.I was utterly exhausted by the time we reached the trees. I had never been athletic as a youth, and my physical stamina hasn’t improved with age. Alice, on the other hand, looked like she was ready to do a twenty-mile hike. I grimaced; nobody should be so fucking perky after slogging through waist-deep snow.After about twenty minutes of work, we had cut or collected enough pine branches, garlands, and barrows to decorate the Sistine Chapel. We knitted the load together using paracord and dragged our Evergreen sled across the snowy valley instead of carrying the greenery back to our shelter. We spent a few minutes. Now there was a thin black wire plugged into the base with a little vinyl and velcro loop at the other end, and Mr Gallows was wearing a big goofy grin as he held it out to me. “You’ve given it a … carry-handle?” I asked, feeling and sounding a bit underwhelmed. “It’s not a carry-handle,” he sounded hurt. “It’s a pressure-sensitive remote control.” “Huh? Translation?” I asked, one eyebrow raised. “It’s the cuff from an infant sphygmomanometer and ...,” he started. My eyebrow hadn’t moved. He got the message and started dumbing it down. “It’s the cuff from a blood-pressure machine for babies. It’s sensitive to pressure and it can be used to send signals down the wire ... like a remote control.” “Soooo,” I began slowly, thinking it through, “if I had a baby I could get it to remotely control my vibrator?” “The cuff doesn’t go on a baby’s arm, it goes on me.” “But it’s too little for you … Ohhhhh!” I brightened, suddenly catching up. “It doesn’t go on your arm!” “Very astute,” he mocked.
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