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" Stupid colonial," he yelled, mounting and wiping his mouth on his sleeve. They rode off with the younger man glancing over his shoulder at me.I went back to my beer and meat pie, feeling a lot of eyes on me. The white haired man was comforting the woman in purple, and I left them alone. He nodded a thanks at me. Shortly the stage clattered off with its load of passengers, and I decided to trail after it just in case the two Redcoats made another try for the toothsome young woman with the dark hair.It was barely a mile down the road, just after they forded a swollen creek, that my suspicions paid off. The Redcoats were blocking the way, weapons raised. I saw the younger one drag the girl in the bright cloak from the carriage as I rode into the woods, dismounted and loaded my musket. I heard the stage clatter away and the woman screaming as I checked my pan and fixed on my bayonet. She kept yelling so they were easy to find.When I shot the sergeant from about twenty feet, he was. ” “I see.” “But you’d have to prove it to me.” “Prove it?” He nodded. “Yea. Prove you were going to give it a good home.” If I had had any sense at all. Any. At all. I would have just left. Just walked out, and down the street and home. But no. No, not me. Oh no, I opened my big mouth: “How would I do that?” Almost as soon as I said it I started to realise I’d made a mistake. I don’t know if that was the point of no return, or whether it was the moment I entered the shop, or maybe even later… “It would get lonely if it wasn’t used… So, you show me that you’ll use it, and you can have it… cheap.” “Cheap?” “Well… free, if the proof’s good enough.” “Free?” I raised my eyebrows again, this time in surprise, but then, as he started talking, I remembered the old adage, ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch.’ Well, three’s no such thing as a free dildo either. “Let me watch,” he said. “Let me watch you use that thing, and you can keep it.” There. There it was. No more innuendo, no more.
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