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“Do you, Sarah, take this man, Ted, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, to love, cherish, and guide, for better or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?” I turned to the lovely bride, now knocked up by yours truly, though it was hardly visible yet.Damn, that thought reminded me of the film Valmont, with the scene where Jeffrey Jones married Fairuza Balk (okay, their characters wed, but you get my point ... besides, how many folks would recognize the names of said characters?)! Fairuza looked quite adorable in that role, too, the young French bride pregnant to another man, namely the notorious Sebastian Valmont. It was Valmont’s last laugh in the film, of course. While there was no animosity between Ted and me, it gave me no small satisfaction to know that my half-angelic spawn grew inside Sarah’s semi-celestial womb.Of course, the fact that Ted knowingly married a woman pregnant by me was even. As a result she hit the tightly looped, textile floor muchslower than expected.I decided to try a different method."What a loser!" I shouted, laughed, and pointed to her as she pickedherself off the floor.Simone looked up to where I hovered, perplexed; tears now streamingdown her face in embarrassment."Allie is right! You really are the dumbest Pixie in the histories ofthe infinite universes! I'm sorry I even had the vision to help you andGinger escape you're fate. I should've left you to the apocalypticthugs that were only minutes away from that subway station. They wouldhave turned you into bitches like I did, but not in a way you'd enjoy,"I goaded."Please...don't say that, Empress! I'm trying..." Trying isn't the word, Simon! You've more than tried everyone'spatience! I've killed insects that have been less of a pestilence; lessof a one man plague!" I continued to accuse."Shut up! I said I'm trying!" And I'm saying you are way worse than that, Simon!" I continued toprod. I was.
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