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Phyllis Dillerisms...Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.Phyllis DillerHousework can't kill you, but why take a chance?Phyllis DillerCleaning house while your kids are growing up is like shovelling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.Phyllis DillerThe reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.Phyllis DillerBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.Phyllis DillerA bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.Phyllis DillerI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.Phyllis DillerMost children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.Phyllis DillerAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.Phyllis DillerWe spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years. They returned, carrying the last of her clothes and small boxes, to an empty room. Unpacking and putting things in their place, along with the cleanup, took little to no time, and with her roommate still not back they were left with time to sit and talk, which was most welcome.But the time passed quickly as her new roommate walked back into the room with a disgruntled look upon her pretty face. Taking her place back on the bed she vacated not too long ago she looked at Rene and said, “Seems Susan has decided to take a year off and travel across Europe. She is such a ditz. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her here in a couple of weeks.”Rene looked at her parents gave a shrug and said, “So, ah, Susan was your friend?”Lost in thought the girl responded, “Yeah, we knew each other since 8th grade.”Her new roommate finally looked up and was startled to see not only Rene but her two parents. “Oh my, I think I owe you all an apology for not introducing myself. I’m Sharon Marburry,” as she again.
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