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Over this period I put all the items of clothing I had acquired into separate bags and labeled each pair as to owners. They were very very very well hidden. While hurriedly searching rooms, I would notice things that were there. Things like jewelry and money. Condoms and pill cards. They were in the mums rooms. I didn't take a penny...I'm a knicker thief.....that's all. It's bad enough, but that's all. In the sisters rooms it was mainly make up and perfume, tapes and lots of frilly girly things. I once found a dildo at the back of a drawer with a playboy magazine. This girl never married, and twenty years later announced she was a lesbian. For all this time I never dated, never even tried. I was obsessed with making plans for my next 'raid'. I was really successful. If I was to bump into the owner of one of my prizes, I would stop and chat with them. I would get a semi on, knowing that I would be using her knickers to jack off to thinking about the secretions in the gusset as I held. But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to be as female as I could, followed byguilt and "purging" where I would get rid of everything, only to start upagain a week later, or even sooner.Not only that, I suffered severalbreakdowns, and seriously considered suicide several times.Finally, I realized I was hurting those who loved me by not taking care ofmyself. I got counselling for the abuse, and have finally began theprocess of being my true self. Almost immediately upon making thatdecision, I started reaping positive results. My blood ?pressure, whichwas dangerously high, dropped back into normal range. I have been able tobreathe for what seems like the first time, and it feels even better thanI hoped it would.Not that the road ahead is easy. I.
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