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After a few minutes the tears ended and I did reflexively what I’ve always done. I said, ‘Forgive me Father for I have sinned.’ He got a big smile and said, ‘Ah, a good Catholic boy. You don’t need all the formality here my son, this is a Pentecostal church. Just say what’s in your heart.’ I just blurted it out, ‘Pastor, I killed a man.’ He didn’t even flinch. I just told him that he’s sitting next to a murderer and he didn’t even react. ‘Are you going to kill me?’ He asked. ‘No! Absolutely not!’ I replied with surprise. ‘I feel horrible about what I did and I need help.’ ‘Tell me all about it,’ he whispered. For the next hour I told him everything: Every slimy, morbid, painful detail. He heard about Hope and Brandy and the events of Friday a week ago. I told him things that I didn’t even realize I was feeling. I described what little I remembered of the beating. I told him of my loves and my fears. All the while he sat quietly and serenely. At the end of my monologue he just smiled. I met all my friends except her and took a few for a drive, when i came back, she was standing near the parking n wasn’t in the best of spirit. I dropped my friends off and went walking to her. I asked ” why is the sun so cold today” she was puzzled, I asked her directly.. Y r u so sad..? She didn’t say anything. I asked ” are u upset because I didn’t tell u I was in the college”? She gave a shy nod. I said ” would you mind sitting down with me in my car for a while so that I can speak while you are relaxed” ?She agreed and we went to my car, she was not looking at me and I knew it was real anger. I told her that I didn’t ask her because I didn’t want her to think I was flaunting my car in front of her (she was against show off’s and brats who pissed fire with their dad’s gifts, although she was herself from a very good family). I told her I felt she would mistake me for trying to get closer to her in he car n all (we often used to talk about all d guys n gals having fun in the car.
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