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The cream started to burn, so I got into the shower and washedall of my body hair away. There was still some small spots that weren'tsmooth, but I got them with the razor. I went very slowly to avoidnicking myself ? it took forever. When I finally got out of the shower, Idried off and put on the lotion. I looked at myself in the mirror andbecame completely aroused. My skin felt wonderful, and I figured I wouldbe having sex with Denise very soon. I laid on my bed and masturbated toa powerful orgasm and then fell into a deep sleep.The next day, work dragged. I was anxious to go to the gym to meet withDenise. I laughed as I realized that I hadn't even thought about going tothe gym in years, and now I couldn't wait to go. Fortunately, I had topass my place on my way from work to the gym. I know I couldn't havechanged into one of those outfits at work, and I don't think I couldchange in the men's locker room either. I put on the tights, t-shirt,socks and sneakers, and then I. At least I would hope to receive some sort of clarity on it, and whether it could ever go anywhere. For someone as proud and independent as Fiona, exposing that weakness would probably hurt even more, especially since that same dignity wouldn’t let her ask me for an answer. That would feel too much like lowering herself, after having taken the risk of making the first move already.My mind had not been clear when it happened, but I had been completely selfish, heedless of Fiona’s needs and vulnerability. Even if she knew that I loved her, didn’t she have the right to expect something more from me on the way of reassurance? Aideen had emphasised to me how strongly Fiona could feel about things, and I had given her no comfort, after blithely receiving hers.I had to do better. Fiona had given me her trust, her help, and her love, and though I had failed her in so many ways, all I could do now was trying harder, working at becoming worthy of her. That meant, most of all, being honest with.
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