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“Now relax with your mouth open wide, and try to control that reflex. This exercise helped me to learn control pretty fast.” He places a candy carefully at the back of my throat, making me gag. “Try to control your reflex to gag. That’s it. Now, I want you to swallow, but don’t close your mouth.” I gag several times, but finally swallow the candy, my eyes streaming tears. After a dozen more gummies, I finally manage to swallow with my mouth open. I can tell that I’m already starting to control my gag reflex better. David keeps having me do this until I swallow four of the candies without gagging, but now my jaw muscles ache from trying to keep my mouth open. David sees my discomfort. “That’s called ‘blowers cramp’. Get it?” He laughs hard enough to drop the last two candies. “Try this again, but tilt your head back, and just rest it at the top of your throat.” I still choke some, but now I have better control over the urge. I push the tip of the fruit deeper and choke slightly again,. That outing changed something for me. I won't say I was more positive, but I was less focussed on my loss. I was able to regain, at least to some extent, my old routine. The house still felt empty; the piano still mocked me, but I got some writing done. Indeed, I think I wrote some of my better work, and the week passed ... slowly.Saturday came round ... I was almost surprised, but time does pass. The bus got me to Fox House for half-past ten, time for coffee. I was glad of the coffee, it was a gloomy day, threatening rain ... or at least drizzle, and chilly. Not a very likely prospect for an outing.I walked down to the quarry anyway, found a suitable spot and huddled there to chew my sandwiches and drink coffee from a flask. Not wanting to try to think too much, I dug out a book to read. That passed some time, but when the drizzle started, I put the book away and just sat. I couldn't hear the Derwent flowing in its bed in the valley, there were no birds singing, just the sound of the.
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