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. As my five-cent-psychiatrist would say, it’s about trust, the right kind of trust. Right now, I had the wrong kind of trust with Steve. I trusted him to not be there for me, to not put me first and to not notice me. If I did something extreme with Steve, he might just forget and leave me tied to the ceiling on a short rope by my nipple rings. Oh my God did I just imagine myself ... Attached to the ceiling like Shelia ... What is wrong with me?I would trust dad, he wouldn’t just leave me, he’d take care of... Oh my God! Where did that thought come from.I would trust Pete, it might be fun to be Pete’s ‘love-slave.’ Pete loves me, you know like a brother. I can work on that. Pete would take really good care of me get me all ‘dorphed up’ like we said on the cross-country team. He would not let me get hurt.It didn’t horrify me, that thought of being submissive to Peter, why? Trust?Logic was failing me right now. My father is into electrocuting his fuck-buddy, I know its not really. With that in mind, I discovered two double ended dildos, the Nexus and the Feeldoe. The problem seemed to be that they were all quite a bit smaller than what I'd seen in Anthony's videos. After some more searching, I found a larger version of the feeldoe and I bought it along with two larger strap-ons, the largest of which approximated the size of those in the videos I'd seen but I remained skeptical that Anthony could take it. It was 10 inches long and 2-1/2 inches in diameter. I also bought a nylon harness and what looked like a rather large butt plug along with an inflatable but plug, two kinds of lubricant and an odd syringe thing for inserting the lubricant. Anthony was going to think I'd been doing this my whole lift and that's just what I wanted him to think. The stuff arrived a week later. Anthony and I went on two dates while I waited for delivery. The sex was, as always with Anthony, amazing but I did take a more dominant role. What I was after was to find out if Anthony.
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