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He smiled at her. “I’m sorry. That’s normal for your first time. It’ll get better.”He leaned over and kissed her.“Thank you for giving your virginity to me. That’s really special, I’ll always remember it.”I don’t remember giving you anything. Did you even ask me if I wanted to do this? Holy shit, what just fucking happened????He sat up and started pulling his clothes back on.“Come on, let’s get back to the party.”Christie pulled her panties back on and straightened her clothing.Mike peered at her.“Are you okay? You’re moving kind of slow.”Christie gave him a wan smile.“Yeah, it still hurts down there.”As they returned to the party, Christie felt like everyone knew what they had been doing.She could feel their stares, their judgment, every time someone glanced her way.Mike wandered off to get a beer, and she saw him talking to his buddies and high fiving. His friends looked over at her with knowing smirks.Oh God. This is so embarrassing. She thought to herself.After a little. I felt like this wasn't something I should be doing, but my body craved it, and I wanted men to want me sexually like that. Well, as you can surmise, these desires would reappear, and I either resisted, or repeated the experiences and their aftermaths. So I still occasionally succumbed, and still felt uncomfortable with the outcome, although eventually somewhat less so. What, you may ask, is the issue here? So I discovered that I’m bisexual. What of it? Given that I do not come from a religious background, that I was born and raised in a very cosmopolitan city, that I am very educated, and well-traveled, these reactions are hard to explain. Possibly my self-image was incompatible with it. It wasn’t social acceptance I needed, but self-acceptance. I could tell myself I wouldn’t do it, but deep down I knew I would succumb to my dark desires. They made me feel dirty and ashamed, but horny as well. It felt degrading and naughty, yet it fulfilled some need I didn’t know I had, some.
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