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Can you understand that I want to explain to them my desires, as I explain them to you now ? I want them (and you) to know that it will be a wonderful gift for me to be killed – it may seem very strange to some but I imagine if you are reading this then you are some way already to understanding me...Can you understand that I want with all my heart to stand before you and say 'thank you... thank you for killing me, thank you for letting me be what I need to be... thank you for allowing me to be the animal, the cow, the meat that I am so deep down... thank you for letting me show myself to you... it feels so good that you know this about me now...I am not like other people – I don't need or want to live like a normal human... I should be treated like a toy, a walking, talking (if you desire it), moving willing sex slave and the most atrocious things in the name of sex should be done to me at all times. I don't need or want clothes, I need and want only pain, abuse, humiliation,. "Don't bother," I told him with a small laugh. "The rest are just bogus." I explained about the subterfuge that had let me smuggle my single bullet into the Russell Building in plain sight. The fibbies exchanged glances with one another over that, and I wondered whether there'd be a memo going around about a new security alert.We went over the whole thing in excruciating detail, and over it again and again. They listened to the entire recording, from the moment I'd turned it on in the john all the way to when I'd cut it off with Feathers in the elevator, asking me for commentary as we went along. And more commentary, and more commentary; I found myself describing Golden pulling the drapes together and every other step of what I'd been doing and what others had been doing.Somewhere in there fairly early on McDonough sent Feathers off for a few minutes to get a warrant for Golden's arrest. I was kind of sorry not to be there when they executed it; that sonofabitch had caused more.
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