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“Well, when I need to stop thinking, I generally work out at home or stretch. Sometimes I post a video online when I have a day I just need to decompress from. There’s been a couple of times though that when it got to be too much, I just walk away. You heard about that day that Lana and I had the screaming match about a month ago?” I asked. She nodded and I went on. “That was the end for me. I seriously meant it when I asked her to kill me. They’d put me through a lot and that day ... I just reached my breaking point. I took off and wouldn’t let anyone know where I was. When they finally tracked me down, I checked myself into the hospital on suicide watch rather than go home.”“I didn’t know that,” she said, sounding shocked.“Ancient history now,” I said dismissively. “But at the time, I knew our parents would try to smooth it over and I would have seriously finished myself off to get out of that.”“They hurt you that bad?” she breathed.I nodded. “I don’t want to go into all the. And I wasn't. Surfing around the personals I kept finding guys who liked feminine-looking boys in girl's underwear. I thought if I put on some silk panties maybe a guy would want to take me out for a date. I'd never even touched another guy but I'd never really had a girl touch me either. This seemed pretty easy.So I posted some pictures of me dressed up in my sister’s bra and panties and got a bunch of hits the first night. Everyone wanted to have me over for a party. It was so cool. A nice guy was just up the street, so I put on some jeans and a t-shirt over my pretty pink bra and panties and walked over. He answered the door but would not let me in until I dropped my pants and took off my shirt, standing there in her pink lace and cotton training bra and tight little panties, feeling humiliated and embarrassed. He made me leave my boy clothes on the front porch. He looked me over then invited me in.I reminded him this was my first time but he took my arm roughly and pulled me.
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