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We walked through the orchards, a few sisters were about performing their varied chores but none paid attention to us.“The Abbess was surprised to see you last night. We all were but she isn’t angry, Clarissa I mean.” I remained silent.“We all know why you came to this convent. Most of us are here for the same reason. We were going to initiate you regardless when the Abbess felt the time to be ripe. It seems your curiosity has pushed matters ahead a little though. Truth be told the timing is rather good. You see the Abbess has just received a certain bit of intelligence with which she hoped to...bait you, I guess I should say.You see your erstwhile spouse Gaston Beautoix happens to be travelling in this area on business. He of course knows nothing about your presence here. He assumes I suppose that you were spirited out of his dungeons by the Dark Lord himself.” She laughed. Her mirthful and unmalicious tone reassured me.I saw up close now the deep chestnut of her eyes and a curled. I am lying, only one was real. I am trying to tell truth here. I am Dan. Inside me is many Dans. They are all different. Dana comes sometimes and she takes control, she can be a bitch, trying to run everything all the time. I get rid of her, it takes effort. I am Dan. It is difficult to be a woman. Dan doesn’t like that. But sometimes I am her, I feel her pain. I wish, oh I wish I was just Dan all the time. I live each day inside me, I never know for sure who will be me on any day or moment. I live in a world no one can know, I live in a world of thinking and being in a way no one can undertstand, I also do not, it is just the way it is. Time gave me this, trapped gave me this. So I write. I write all the time. I have to. If I did not, then the real world around me would come, I would die. I don’t want to die, yet I do. I could die by myself for myself, I just can’t go to that dark corner of nothing and be, that would make me die. So I live, I write, it gives me legs, it gives me.
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