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Now, after being unable to decompress on my own, I'm sitting here on my couch with a bottle of Chardonnay and my largest - and favorite of late - wine glass while I try to write away my sorrows and frustrations. So, here goes: My life feels like a giant mess pile in a contractor trash bag that I keep dragging behind me with no hope for the heaviness of its stress to lighten. I haven't gotten over my last break up yet - sad, I know - and it's just making me feel like I'm the most worthless person on the planet. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or. The topic was switched again. I mentally sighed at this. There was no way I could nudge them back onto my abilities unless I came up with a good reason. There was no reason I could think of except the obvious one, which was that I could do it.Was I ready to let this out? I had decided long ago to keep this ability of mine secret. I was still nervous about what could happen if it became common knowledge that I could do something like this.John had had a good idea with his 'finding' missing persons idea. I just needed to figure out how to give the proper authorities the information they needed, without becoming suspect number one, or involve my parents.First, I looked into unsolved crimes of the past. I needed something that I could point the authorities at, from a 'safe distance'. I needed to be able to supply a prime suspect for them. I had seen enough science fiction on TV to know that 'the psychic' was always a prime suspect at first.If I worked this right, I could create.
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